Internal Plague

Silence is a double-edged sword forged from serenity and self-judgment. We yearn for acceptance and continuously compare ourselves to others. The struggle to maintain a “likable standard” is more real than most would like to admit. As children, we defined these standards with simple labels, such as booger picker or glue eater. “Us vs. them” is a game we start early in life. Segregating everyone into class, habits, beliefs, and interests become a game we will never win.

But, let’s focus back on the silence and the darkness that finds us at night. That moment when guilt finds us and plagues our emotions. “We should have done this or said that.” Perhaps we acted like a fool or displayed a lack of compassion for others. These thoughts haunt us at the most unsuspecting times when we are alone. The voice of conviction calls out our trespasses as we are helpless to listen. Soon we are lost swimming in our thoughts of self persecution.

Depression moves in like a fading sunset, slow and steady. We preach about forgiving others, and how important it is. The lesson here is, forgiveness is essential, including ourselves. We are worth self-acceptance despite the horrible feeling of guilt. It is impossible to be happy and depressed at the same time. I know, it sounds obvious. However, there are times when we hold ourselves back from being happy. The struggle within to find a resolve never comes with ease.

I have never lost a game of cricket, but I have failed, at least one time, at everything I’ve tried. Failing or making a mistake does not make us a horrible person. It allows us to try again. We know everyone makes mistakes. Therefore, it’s not fair to hold ourselves to an impossible standard. We are going to come up short, and when we do, it’s up to us to accept it and move on.

As stated earlier, silence is a double-edged sword. Serenity provides a balance between our mental plague and our happiness. Meditation can nullifying our toxic thoughts and will bring peace. We would be wise to remember it will take time. Physical wounds do not heal overnight. The same applies to emotional wounds. We achieve happiness by being patient with ourselves. Also, in the manner we watch our children grow, we should take the time to appreciate our growth. Never allow shallow thoughts to hold us down. We are above such foolishness. And above all, never forget we deserve to be happy.

Steven Curtis

at1_retired@yahoo.com

3 Comments Add yours

  1. brookejcutler says:

    Love this! Too true. We’re all human, and it’s SUCH a relief when you finally see that, see all your dodgy bits, and tell them it’s actually quite normal that they exist. Because you’re human. ☺️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for displaying succinctly the dangers that most people are unaware of. Your reflection on the dangers of the human comedy is appreciated. 🙏🏼

    Liked by 1 person

  3. khobdy says:

    In reference to mistakes or failure..
    I believe I am a good writer because I don’t mind being wrong .
    I can always correct it later.

    Liked by 1 person

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